Sunday Seven: Four

I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness, doubled by wonder.

—G.K. Chesterton

ONE

Friday morning I got up when the house was still quiet, Nick and Valor still sleeping. I had words pushing through my consciousness and they begged to be written. I wrapped up in my favorite hoodie, tucked my feet in a pair of warm slippers, brewed coffee and escaped to my office and I wrote. Words always are circling in my head but the speed of life there are so many times they're lost without the time to jot them down. I'm so thankful for a husband who encourages my writing and allows me the time, when there is time to be had.

Why do mothers write?

Maybe they're drawn to poetry writing

because of it's semblance

to giving birth—

the seed

the silence

the attachment

the nurturing

the wait

then,

setting it all free.*

Oh, and if you want to see what words I birthed on Friday, you can read it here: Indescribable Motherhood.

TWO

New book I'm reading — Long Days of Small Things: Motherhood as a Spiritual Discipline by Catherine McNeil. For those of you who think I blast through books, I don't. I have about six I am reading at the same time. I start, switch, then go back. Maybe not the best way to read books, but that is just the stage of life I'm in now.

THREE

A favorite meal in our home are spring rolls. We recently discovered a spring roll bowl recipe that we've made twice in the last few weeks. So delish!

FOUR
A friend so kindly gave us her son's train table since he has outgrown it. We surprised Valor with it Saturday evening – he was crazy excited! We then took Valor shopping for a few more train toys for his new table. It's been non-stop train playing at our house (Nick and I even got to drink hot mugs of coffee in another room while he played. Is this real life?!).

FIVE
I'm feeling grateful for a rainy weekend. We stayed in most of the weekend, cozied up in our pjs. We snuggled, ate popcorn and watched (half) a movie as a family. Also, our lawn is now a vivid green that looks so lush!

SIX

The simple things in life often bring the biggest smiles. Valor discovered bubble wrap this past week. We spent quite a bit of time laughing and dancing around on the clear plastic bubbles. Yes, simple pleasures are best.

SEVEN
With all the rain, Valor and I (meaning me, while he followed behind undoing my work) took out all his playroom toys and reorganized it all! This was a major, multi-hour feat. I filled baskets with baby/younger toys and put them away on high shelves. These toys were a major culprit of the disaster condition of the playroom — they were enticing to dump in the middle of the rug, yet really weren't being played with. So here's to hoping out of sight, out of mind!

*From "On Poeming" Announcing the Thaw (Finishing Line Press 2014)

Indescribable Motherhood

Another friend announces her pregnancy and tears well-up in my eyes. You see motherhood is a bunch of opinions before it actually happens to you. There are so many nuances spoken about time escaping and how much motherhood changes you. There are so many things I want to tell this friend, but the breath holds tight in my lungs. Motherhood is indescribable. The only words that I can form are, this will forever change you...in the greatest ways.

-----

Throughout pregnancy I nodded my head and smiled, thinking I've got this! How much could things change? I've babysat a ton, I totally have a grip on what it will be like. My life will continue on the same trajectory. Or at least this is what I thought up until the moment life came crashing down and my body was sliced open, bearing the most beautiful baby.

Two plus years into this motherhood gig and if I wasn't living in my body, I wouldn't believe how different life is now.

Motherhood shattered my emotions. My heart is now filled with much more compassion and understanding. Tears come often when before I had tear ducts of steel. Who am I nowadays? My body is scarred from a surgery during pregnancy, c-section scar and now there is a soft pillow cushioning my once strong, flat stomach. My back aches and my posture is now slumped and tired. The physical changes are easy to point out, but the emotional changes are difficult to form into words. Finally I understand what those mamas were doing their best to explain stuttering throughout my pregnancy. They were attempting to describe the magic around motherhood. 

Motherhood is the hardest mountain I've ever climbed. The decisions are endless and at a young age they're so malleable, I don't want to mess up. I want to do my best raising a gentleman and a strong adult. This job is hard work — challenging and exhausting, wrapped up with great responsibility. Even though motherhood is the hardest, it is without comparison second to none. Because with great responsibility comes great reward.

-----

So dear friend, there is practical advice I can share. Like our favorite sleep sack or I can offer pumping tips when returning to work. (Just ask me, I'll fill you in!) But I cannot even come close to touching the stars in describing the joy you are about to encounter. Just you wait. Motherhood is difficult to describe. Simply know there will be indescribable difficulties but overarching incomprehensible joy. You will find more love to give than you ever imagined was humanly possible. 

If I were to attempt to illustrate what is coming, this is what I would like to say: There is nothing in this life that can duplicate the vast emotional expanse formed by motherhood. Extreme joy comes from seeing through a child's fresh eyes in the world. I have learned so much from my two year old without words, simply through action, he has taught me to slow down and savor the simple and good life. Reminding me to smell the park flowers and to deliberately savor each bite of delicious food. Oh, and there is so, so much laughter. A child's laugher has the power to light up the night sky — simply the best sound on the planet. On a hard day remember that a little laughter can change the entire course, so get on the floor and belly laugh with your little.

I lived almost 29 years before having my son, yet I can hardly remember what it was like before him. Motherhood is life-altering in the best way as it stretches you beyond any confines. There is adventure and endless excuses to stay young forever. If motherhood were a cookie, these words only take one tiny bite out. Because sometimes motherhood is simply indescribable.

There will be hard days, but the things people have told you are true. The days are long, but the years are short. Enjoy the time you have, they grow up so fast. So fuel your days with prayer and coffee, but in time you will see they'll be powered with laughter and love. Congratulations friend and welcome into the indescribable village of motherhood.

Photo is from Valor's one year photoshoot, an oldie but a goodie. It totally encapsulates the visual of motherhood — the good life.

Sunday 7: 3

I don't have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness —

it is right in front of me if I'm paying attention and practicing gratitude.

— Brene Brown

ONE

This past week for work I commuted downtown via train. Those days provided relaxing me time where I got to sit, not pay attention to traffic and simply read a book! Bonus, I took a few train photos and sent them to my crazy train loving kid!

I am not a boy, yet I am raising one to be a man. For those of you other clueless boy mamas, this book, Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys, really gives a glimpse into our kiddo's heads.

TWO

Each spring/summer season I look forward to our town's French Market. Valor's and my routine is to grab coffee, fresh hot kettle corn — they make it right there, and supplies for bruschetta. We jumped at the chance to meet friends and stroll the market this past week, and it did not disappoint.

THREE

This weekend a local farm, Klien Creek Farm, had their annual sheep sheering. The sun was shinning so Grammie, Valor and I all piled into the car to visit. There were baby lambs and calves that were so precious, as well as chickens roaming the property. Valor's favorite were the sheep, same as last year!

FOUR

Roasted veggies with fresh chimichurri sauce — one highlight meal from this past week. Toss your favorite veggies with a little extra virgin olive oil, salt and pepper. Roast them until perfection in a 425 degree oven. Serve topped with a heavenly drizzle of sauce. Mmm!

Chimichurri Sauce

fresh cilantro

fresh flat-leaf parsley

fresh or dried oregano

garlic cloves

red onion

freshly squeezed lemon juice

salt & pepper

red pepper flakes — if you like a hint of heat

olive oil

red wine vinegar

Blend all the ingredients to taste in a food processor or blender. Keeps great sealed in the fridge for about a week.

FIVE

He must have been pretty exhausted to sleep like that, right? He was! On Saturday night Valor slept 15 hours and I got to sleep 8.5 hours! That may not seem like much, but I do not remember the last time I personally got to sleep that long. I'm typically really excited if I even get 6-7 hours of sleep. Oh, God is good and He knew I needed that rest.

SIX

After church we tried a new restaurant, BenjYehuda. Nick and I both got falafels enveloped in fresh, hand-stretched pitas along with heaps of toppings — it was fabulous! Valor enjoyed a side order of falafel dipped in hummus. They dropped the falafel fresh for each order which is good practice and no wonder it was exceptional. We're scheming plans to go back soon!

SEVEN

Valor loves swinging in a rainbow hammock hung between two great trees in our backyard. This hammock is more than just a hammock, it reminds me of adventure and how much we have to be grateful for. Years ago Nick and I bought this hammock in Mexico at a cruise port. It was our very first cruise and we went with my whole family. It reminds me of climbing the Mayan ruins, ATV-ing and getting hundreds of bug bites in the Honduran jungle, snorkeling in Belize, and all the other special memories from that trip. I love how little souvenirs help us remember. To travel, to experience and learn: that is to live. —Nepalese mountaineer Tenzing Norgay